I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
