So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize