You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
