I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
there is puke in my bra ... again
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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