i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
