i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
