my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
