How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
