Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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