i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
