the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
