I think I won the penis lottery.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
