sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
