so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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