I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
