he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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