Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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