but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize