I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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