you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
