Please, let me fuck your mom
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i've created a new STD.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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