so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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