: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
