When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
