I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
