i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
