worst night to have a conscience
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
