Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
