I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
