Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
