My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
