I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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