Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have peed in a lot of sinks
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
