I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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