There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
pray to the hookup gods
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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