im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
