Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
