it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
