I'm jealous of your bromance
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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