I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
