News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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