I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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