so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
