Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
