I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
