We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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