he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
