From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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