I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
