i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
