I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
