see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
