3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
actually, I'm a sock model
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize