.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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