hotel room ftw
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
