my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
