Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize