Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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