Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
