rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
