Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
