I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
