i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
