I am spending my child support on dildos
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
