i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think my moral compass just broke
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
