ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
