so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize