i just had sex bonerless
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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