There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
