I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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